Guiding Good Goodbyes

The holiday season is often described as a time of joy, celebration and togetherness. But for those who are grieving, this time of year can feel very different. Instead of excitement, there may be heaviness. Instead of anticipation, there may be a quiet ache. Grief doesn’t pause for the holidays – yet in the midst of it, many families discover that moments of comfort, connection and even joy can still gently make their way in. These moments don’t erase your grief or diminish the love you hold for the person you miss. Instead, they can become part of the healing process, reminding you that while life is forever changed, meaningful moments are still possible. Joy & Grief Can Coexist It’s common to feel hesitant or even guilty when you catch yourself smiling, laughing or even enjoying a holiday after a loss. But joy doesn’t mean you’ve moved on or forgotten – it means you are human, and your heart is doing its best to carry both love and loss at the same time. Allowing small moments of love doesn’t take away from your grief; it honors your resilience. Creating Space for Gentle Joy Moments of joy will show up quietly and unexpectedly. Here are a few ways to welcome those feelings if and when they come: Give yourself permission to feel what you feel – every day is different, it’s okay to cry, laugh, rest, or step back from traditions that feel too overwhelming this year. Seek connection, even in small ways – a conversation, handwritten card, or shared memory can remind you that you are not alone. Honor your loved one – light a candle, hang a special ornament, or do something they enjoyed. These moments can bring a sense of closeness. Notice the small moments – let the small gifts be enough, where joy comes in the form of a sunset, favorite song, kind gesture or quiet moment of peace. Let Healing Happen in Its Own Time There is no “right way” to grieve during the holidays —and no timeline for healing. If you find yourself smiling this season, let that be a soft reminder that healing is happening, even if you don’t always notice it. If you find yourself struggling, know that it’s okay to seek support. Grief is a journey, and no one should walk it alone. You’re Not Alone This Holiday Season As our community moves through the holidays, we want to acknowledge every person carrying grief this time of year. Whether this is your first season without someone you love or a loss from long ago, your feelings are valid, and your heart deserves compassion.  From all of us, may you find peace in the quiet moments, strength in your memories, and comfort in knowing that joy—however small—can still shine through.

Whether it’s a holiday dinner, a birthday, or a quiet Sunday morning coffee – some moments feel heavier when someone you love is missing. The “empty chair” becomes more than just a piece of furniture. It becomes a symbol of who used to be there, and all the things you still wish you could say or hear. Maybe you’ve lost someone to death, or maybe it’s distance, divorce, estrangement, or a deployment. Whatever the reason, these moments – when the absence becomes especially loud – can stir up waves of emotion. Here’s how to gently prepare for those times when the chair is empty, but your heart is full. Acknowledge What’s Coming – the first step is simple, but powerful: name it. Say to yourself: “this is going to be hard.” Pretending you’re fine or pushing away emotion can create more distress in the long run. But when you acknowledge a particular day or event may bring up grief, anger, sadness, you begin to take back some control. You’re aware and you are preparing instead of being blindsided. Allow Grief Its Place at the Table – Grief doesn’t follow a calendar. It might show up months or even years after a loss – especially during meaningful events. Rather than resisting it, make space for it. Don’t think of grief as a guest you didn’t invite, but rather as a reflection of how deeply you loved someone. It’s okay to cry, feel numb, or even to laugh and then feel guilty for it. Plan Support in Advance – When a hard day is on the horizon, don’t wait until you’re overwhelmed to ask for help. Reach out to a friend ahead of time, letting them know that you’re facing a challenging day. Be Kind to Your Timeline – Some years the empty chair will bring a deep ache. Other years it might feel lighter – healing does not mean forgetting.  Empty chair moments are tender, powerful reminders of love, loss, and everything in between. As you face them, know this: you are not alone. Across tables and across time, many hearts are carrying the weight of absence — and holding on to the memories that still bring light. So be gentle with yourself. Prepare if you can. Breathe when it hurts. And remember - even in their absence, love can still fill the room.